Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Earliest Memories

I am currently reading Quicksilver by Neal Stephenson. One page has the main character thinking about his earliest memories. His are of course more interesting than mine. I didn't witness a king being beheaded and a few days later watch my father and his friends destroy cathedrals during the English Civil War. Perhaps one of my ancestors did. 

I was born in a time of peace in the most powerful nation in the world. I never knew how lucky I was until I was much older. I didn't grow up in the wealthiest of homes or the poorest. My parents were young and worked hard. They were also LDS in the Bible Belt of the United States. 

We lived in my grandparent's home. I don't remember living anywhere else before that. My parents rented the house from my grandparents who moved to Florida. That was a time before cable TV, internet, VCR's, and even before we had a microwave. My mom had to boil hot dogs. I still prefer the taste of boiled hot dogs over microwaved. 

My earliest memories are very quick flashes in my mind. I don't remember much detail. The strangest thing is that my earliest memories are not of my everyday life at home. I would go to my mother's parents house and listen to my mom's younger sisters playing the songs of Grease on their record player. I remember my Aunt Jeanine wrapping her wet hair in a towel and I thought that was the most facisnating thing I ever saw. Everytime I wrap my hair in a towel I think of my aunt. I thought she was so cool. I remember praying in a circle with my grandparents before going to sleep when I spent the night there. 

I remember going to visit my grandparents in Florida and the drive down there. My grandparents had a dog named Chuckie. We had a dog that looked similar named Precious. While visiting my grandparents, we went to Disney World. I only remember the Dumbo Ride because I really thought I could fly away. 

I remember hanging out at my Aunt Ida's house a lot. We would go to her house for most holidays. Halloween was the best. The earliest Halloween I remember I dressed like Raggedy Ann. I was terrified of some of her guests who were dressed in scary masks. I thought they were going to kill me. Aunt Ida's house was fun but there were pictures on her wall that scared me. 

Most of all I remember my parents. I remember my mom rocking me in a chair and singing songs to me. I sing those songs to my kids too. She still played the piano then. I loved it when she played Primary songs. I got in trouble playing with her rock garden she had in the living room. I don't understand why she had a bunch of rocks in the living room knowing that her kids would just play in the rocks. Lesson learned I guess! My dad would read books to me and say funny things to make us laugh. Some of my favorite memories are my parents playing music together and singing and dancing along. Sometimes my dad would even play his guitar and they would sing together.  I really miss that. It is amazing to me that they were so young, in their early twenties! 

Thinking about my earliest memories makes me sad that my children don't have the experience of having extended family around like I did. We were always visiting grandparents, aunts and uncles or they were visting us. My parents had other friends but it was the family I remembered the most. I still miss them.

Thursday, April 10, 2014

10 Facts Abou My "Mormon" Experience

1. I have never lived in Utah. My parents never lived there either. I used to see Utah Mormons as outsiders and had sort of an us vs. them attitude. I no longer care anymore and wished I never judged people that way. I still do get upset when a Utah Mormon visits our Southern branches and talk to us like we can't read or write. They usually get humbled quickly and later make wonderful lasting friendships. I have no "pioneer" blood but I am grateful for the sacrifices the early LDS pioneers made.

2. I am a third generation Mormon. My mother's father joined the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints in the late 1950's in West Tennessee. He worked hard in the church all of his life. He is a great inspiration to me and I love to hear his stories. I wish he would write them down! Being a Branch President in rural West Tennessee was very interesting. He later became 1st president in the Memphis, TN temple presidency. I can't imagine seeing the church grow from very humble beginnings to having a temple built near your home!

3. My father joined the church when he was 19 right before he married my mother.  He is also from Tennessee and has never lived out west. He is now a Branch President in rural Alabama. Visiting his branch is like visiting family. The boundaries of his branch cover two counties I think and it takes my mom 45 minutes to get to church. I only drive 5 minutes to go to my building in Northern Virginia!

4. My husband is not a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints but we share many values and he is supportive. We even have nightly scripture study and prayer. He is from Uzbekistan but is a Christian. I go to church with five kids on my own though my ward is very supportive. The hardest part is getting all five children plus myself to church on time. To be honest, I haven't always been too successful. When you know something is true it makes all of the stress worth it.

5. I was usually one of the few Mormons in my school. The only others were my brothers. It was even more difficult in the "Bible Belt" where people usually ask you what church you go to when they first meet you. I got to where I dreaded that question because that usually meant the end of the conversation because people believed I was part of some horrible cult.
   I had to defend my faith at an early age and was told that I was going to Hell many times. Eventually I would just say that  "if Heaven was filled with mean people like you then I'd rather not go there anyway", which was possibly not the most Christian thing to say. I was also told many times that I wasn't a real Christian. I would try to explain that I was a Christian to deaf ears. I heard the term "magic underwear" a lot. Once at school the son of a minister attacked my faith so badly that I cried and was sent home. I was 15 years old.

6. I got my infant blessing by my father and was baptized at the age of eight. I went to the temple at 12 and was a part of Young Women's. I went to Girl's Camp (a camp for LDS girls) for four years. When I was in high school, I went to seminary every morning before school and was a Scripture Mastery champion!  My parents were very active and strong in the church.  For some reason, people assume that I didn't grow up "Mormon". I will ask next time someone assumes that. Maybe because my husband isn't??

7. I hated Church dances. One of the worst experiences was when the girls had to put their shoe in the circle and the boys would pick a shoe. The owner of the chosen shoe would then dance with the boy. The boy who picked my shoe danced with me 2 seconds and then walked away. I spent the rest of the dance hiding in the bathroom. My daughter now has a pair of shoes exactly like the ones I wore to that dance. (Sam and Libby Flats with the bow on top 1990?) I still hate dances to this day. I went to them because that was the only opportunity to meet other LDS boys. (remember there were none at school and few even in my city. The few that were in my ward were more like brothers to me.)

8. I loved temple trips. When I lived in Memphis we had to travel all the way to Atlanta. We would get to stay in a hotel and would have fun all weekend. The first person I did a baptism for was my great great great grandmother Leonie Dumanet Warren. I recently found her family in France back into the late 1700's! I still love genealogy and wish I could go to the temple more. I am excited that my daughter can now do baptisms.

9. I never went on a mission though I wish I had made that a goal. My four brothers all went on missions and I am very proud of them. They went to Japan, Mongolia, and Russia. Two of my brothers speak Russian which is cool because my husband speaks Russian. I can understand a lot of Russian but I am not fluent.

10. I did go to BYU . . . in Hawaii! I loved teaching ESOL and joined their TESOL program which was wonderful. I loved helping students from all over the world learn English. One the most interesting students was a girl from Mongolia who lived in North Korea as a child. We also studied Mandarin together. It was inspiring to me that the church is the same all over the world. My roomate was from South Korea and it was amazing that we had similar experiences growing up in the church.

Growing up LDS in the South was rough, but I am grateful for that opportunity. I definitely do not take the gospel for granted. Though things were tough at times I am still in the church and have an even stronger testimony today.

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Were the Grammys Satanic? One LDS Opinion

Breitbart.com came out with an article quoting a tweet by Alabama football player AJ McCarron stating

"Is it just me or are some of the Grammy performances so far seem to be really demonic?? Looks like there is a lot of evil in the world.." Tweet from @10AJMcCarron, January 26, 2014

The Grammys, which came on Sunday inspired tweeters and bloggers everywhere to see the demonic and evil in the performances. A few mention the mass gay wedding put on, but Katy Perry burning herself as a witch on a pole, Madonna looking like a witch (though I don't think she can help it), and Beyonce showing her crotch in an outfit that would have been shocking just 20 years ago. (remember Cher in the video "If I Could Turn Back Time") and humping her husband who thinks it is cool to wear symbols of the sex cult leader Aleister Crowley won most of the shock. I haven't watched the Grammy's since Jethro Tull beat Metallica in 1989 but I did see the pictures of Sunday's performance and that was enough. Yes, the Grammys were demonic and Satanic and here is why saying so is not "crazy" or a "conspiracy theory". It is actually pretty obvious.

People think that to be demonic something has to be secret or part of some conspiracy like the Illuminati. Actually, it is pretty straight forward in the Bible. You don't need to be part of a secret conspiracy to be a servant of Satan. Just preach and celebrate against the teachings of Christ. To be demonic is the be anti-Christ and to serve the teachings of Satan. Again, this is not a secret conspiracy. What does Satan preach? He preaches against God, against freedom, and to be a slave to the pleasures of the body. He promises money, power, and fame. Dante divided the servants of Satan into two parts. Those who were victims and slaves of the flesh, and those in the lower parts of Hell who led the weak to the pit of Hell. In the music industry, you see both those who are weak and those who lead them down there. A lot of the "leaders" were inspired by the occult and have openly said they were. Many of them were inspired by Aleister Crowley and other groups that promised no punishment for the rebellious lifestyles admired by rock and pop music.

Aleister Crowley inspired a lot of musicians. His main teaching was "Do what thou wilt" which is usually interpreted in a sexual way. He was born in 1875 in a strict Christian household. As a teenager he rebelled and chose a life of idolatry, occult, drugs, and sex. He lived the life of a stereotypical rock god before rock n' roll even existed. He mixed eastern occult practices with Western esoterism to justify his wild lifestyle. He embraced the devil and fought openly against the Lord and thought it was fun to say so. He made rebelling against God "cool". It is no wonder that later rock singers embraced the teachings of Crowley. The Beatles put his picture on their album "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band". Jimmy Page of Led Zeppelin was a huge fan and even bought Crowley's old home. Other groups were more of the hard core heavy metal types so not very surprising and more underground. However, now the teachings of Crowley and the use of his symbols are being seen in Pop music as well. Crowley may be the "cool" anti-Christ for modern celebrities to follow but his ideas are not new and even connect far back to ancient ideas.

The Bible mentions "groves", mentioned 24 times in the Old Testament that I counted. The groves was actually a tree or pole in the forest where people would gather to worship the fertility goddess. It was a place to showcase your sexuality and to worship "nature". Usually that is interpreted as "Mother Nature" but it can also be used to describe the worship of YOUR human nature and your WILL. (Do what thou wilt??) Fulfillment was through the physical rather than the spiritual so you do what makes you feel good. Music was used as a way to enhance the sexual mood through repetition and the beat of a drum. When you listen to hip hop and rap what does it make you do? Do you sit inspired or do you automatically want to shake your hips and grind into your partner. Combine the beats with a dark smokey club, alcohol, and drugs and you pretty much recreated the worship that went on in Biblical "groves". People even sneak off to have sex and it is even worse in gay clubs. If you listen to the lyrics of the pop music that is played in clubs you can hear a very strong sexual element in them. They encourage women to shake their bodies in a way to attract the men and the men to go after the women. The music in gay clubs has the same message just more sexually neutral.

Then you have the female pop singers using their sexuality rather than their voice to entertain. They are center on the stage, half naked, stimulating sex acts with their tongues hanging out of their faces. This has been going on in public since Madonna used Christian symbols in a sexual way grinding herself all over the stage at the Mtv Awards back in the 1980's. Now it seems that all female pop stars want to be Madonna. They use their private parts to gain fame much like the ancient fertility priestesses. The center of fertility worship in the Middle East was a pole.

Mmmmm, I am going to go all church lady and show this little gem of a picture from the 2014 Grammys.

Did I mention that this particular "pole" is made out of wood and is part of a witches broomstick? What is the significance of the broomstick anyway? Read this article to find out. It is pretty nasty. I know Katy Perry is just rebelling against her daddy at the young impressionable age of 29 but what message is she sending the youth of the world? How much was she influenced by her ex-husband Russell Brand, a fan of Aleister Crowley?

Then there was the mass gay wedding. Oh no! I am going to get all judgey judgey! Gay marriage is against the tradition patriarchial marriage taught by not only the Bible but other major traditional institutions. This isn't the first time homosexuality was showcased on an awards show. Is it Satanic? I don't know. I believe there maybe Satanic leaders taking advantage of people who struggle with homosexuality and are promising them and easy road to happiness. That being said there is more of an emphasis on "doing what thou wilt" in the gay movement, including sado-masochism, perversion, group sex, fetishes, etc. I know at least in Atlanta it was the gay clubs that had "Fetish Night". I didn't attend but had a friend who did. The Fetish Night emphasized sado-masochism. Music has long used sado-masochism as themes gaining popularity by the late 1980's led by Madonna. Sodomy (I hope you know what that means by now) is gaining more and more popularity in music. In the past it was extremely subtle. The themes musicians use include leather, whips, chains, piercings, tattoos, fetishes, group sex and humiliation. Again, these things always existed in society but now it is mainstream and not just mainly in the gay circles. Those themes are now being sold to children and slowly pedophilia is gaining acceptance in art. (Think Miley Cyrus at the Mtv Music Awards) Pedophilia was also an acceptable form of pleasure in ancient societies so it wouldn't be shocking that the more we destroy our Christian heritage, the more pedophilia gains popularity.

At the 2014 Grammys, Beyonce was all leather and humiliation in a chair, in front of us and later in front of her husband who in public caresses her buttocks. Yes, I know to her it was a performance, but what message did the public receive? I was going to post a picture but it was too nasty. Her husband, Jay Z, is known to be a fan of Crowley using his teachings and symbols in his work.

At some point a female pop star has to announce her experiment with lesbianism. Madonna made it popular (though definitely not the first!) and Lady Gaga and Miley Cyrus stand out as recent examples. Madonna with Queen Latifah led the mass gay wedding at the Grammys. The mass gay weddding was just weird more than creepy and used Christian imagery. Why do it? Is the answer to fight against the good in Western Civilization and promote "Do what thou wilt"? made popular by Aleister Crowley? (who stole that line from Rabelais)

I mentioned Madonna quite a bit. Yes, she is also a fan of Aleister Crowley and used a lot of his teachings in the 2012 Superbowl Half time show. I don't know how much of a follower she is but she does like Jay Z think his teachings and use of symbols are cool! (Michael Jackson was also reportedly a fan) 

That seemed to be the theme at least what I saw. I saw people willing to sell their souls for money, power, and fame the three things promised in time memorial by Satan and rather than the progressive and modern, they were simply using ancient techniques made popular by the late 19th century/early 20th century antichrists like Aleister Crowley. The only difference is that now those shocking and Satanic activities are mainstream and targeted towards the general public. But hey, those musicians get the fame and fortune? Don't forget power! Beyonce is besties with the Obamas! Aleister Crowley must be cheering in his grave!

Again, I made these conclusions without conspiracy theories. The musicians make no secret about what they are doing. All you can do is judge me for having beliefs in something higher than the physical pleasures of the world.

Thursday, January 23, 2014

Roe vs. Wade 41 Years Later: The Truth about Abortion Rights

55 million babies have been terminated since the Supreme Court decision of Roe vs. Wade that happened on January 22, 1973. Forty-one years later it remains a controversial topic between groups who fight for a women's right to choose and those who fight for a baby's right to life. In the past, both groups acknowledged that abortion was a horrible thing and should only be used in extreme circumstances ignoring the reality that most abortions were done in not so extreme circumstances. Now the debate has changed into something ugly. It has become to be about reproductive rights and a battle in the war against women! The health of the woman and the fact that she belongs to a family is ignored.

I don't know who is behind that change in words in the abortion debate but it is very deceptive and smart to be honest. Before there seemed to still be respect for women, now activists dress as vaginas. They scream "Hail Satan!" and accuse people who are against abortion as being hateful towards women. The debate FOR abortion is turning less and less about the issue of abortion itself and more into Women's Rights despite the fact that most women who have abortions are those who are either pressured into them by their boyfriends or husbands or are done because they are scared and don't want to deal with the consequences of their actions.

Because they turn the debate into Women's rights it is impossible to honestly argue about abortion and to come to any conclusion. Pro-life activists who are women are ignored. The science of what goes on in the womb is also ignored. The health risks are lied about. Even arguing the lack of care and health codes in many of these abortion clinics is ignored all in the name of "rights" and offering women power and never ending orgasms without responsibility. Now they are fighting for your right to have an abortion without even consulting a doctor! I guess soon backalley abortions will be a choice again? I thought the entire point of legal abortions was to protect women from seeking unhealthy abortions with a lack of medical care?

The White House Press Release says it all:

"Today, as we reflect on the 41st anniversary of the Supreme Court decision in Roe v. Wade, we recommit ourselves to the decision’s guiding principle: that every woman should be able to make her own choices about her body and her health. We reaffirm our steadfast commitment to protecting a woman’s access to safe, affordable health care and her constitutional right to privacy, including the right to reproductive freedom. And we resolve to reduce the number of unintended pregnancies, support maternal and child health, and continue to build safe and healthy communities for all our children. Because this is a country where everyone deserves the same freedom and opportunities to fulfill their dreams."(Statement by the President on Roe vs. Wade, January 22, 2014, whitehouse.gov)

Notice the key words- choice, access, constitutional right to privacy, reproductive freedom, unintended pregnancies (should the federal government even be saying that??), communities, freedom, opportunities, and dreams. It is all about the woman!

The pro-abortion activists are either being deceived or are deceiving the public. They are lying about what abortion is and what it does to a woman. They make the debate less about the health of the mother and more about her power, her freedom, her goals. Thy divorce sex from family, love, and responsibility. What actually goes on in abortion clinics is rarely talked about. It is difficult to get anyone to have an honest debate. When Texas actually had an honest debate and came to a compromise acknowleding health and safety, the courts overturned those decisions because of "rights". Well, I guess women have the right to butcher themselves in the name of reproductive freedom! Is that the message?

Instead of progressing, society is moving backwards. Turning women into priestesses and goddesses with power through sexual orgasms is a very primitive idea. Killing an inconvenient baby is also a primitive not a progressive idea. In tribal cultures all over the world, babies that don't quite make a certain standard are left exposed in the wild. Infant exposure was practiced all over ancient Greece and Rome. Other ancient societies sacrificed infants to gods. Christianity changed the idea that an infant was less of a human. That doesn't mean that Christians never killed their babies but when they did it was something evil. With the attitude that life is precious came progress and freedom in society. Now we are going backwards. The more you allow society to pleasure themselves without consequence, the more the government has to step in, and the less freedom you have.

But you can have it all, baby!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Facebook World!!!

After reading an article about Facebook annoyances I decided to look at and analyze my Facebook. I used to have lots of friends but have cut a bunch until I only have a few. Because I cut a lot of people who weren't really friends  I enjoy my Facebook and keep track of friends and family from all over. 

1.Friend re-posted something something in Russian. Her friend needs help!
2.Friend posted a funny comment to a funny picture of George Lucas that I shared with my brother because we like to make fun of George Lucas
3. Actor posts liberal political stuff against guns even though he plays a gun loving, violent character on TV.
4. Friend posts a funny picture that I loved enough to share. I got two likes. It is about my lack of exercise.
5. Friend is listening to lots of music on Spotify. 
6. A recipe for kids is shared that looks pretty interesting.
7. Picture of kids enjoying recipe
8. George Takei
9. One of those inspirational cards
20. An important announcement regarding an upcoming wedding
21. A funny photo that made me laugh out loud. 
22. Someone posts a you tube video
23. A local newspaper commented on my comment! (cool huh?)
24. Friend posts thought provoking article that I commented on and liked. 
25. An update from a friend living near a major forest fire. 

Friday, May 3, 2013

What I Am Watching on Television

Right now I have too many shows to keep up with. It hasn't been that way in a while. At the same time, some of my past favorite shows are now getting dull. First, I will tell you those.

I watched The Young and the Restless because my mother, grandmother, and great grandmother watched it. I was a legacy! I began to become bored about the time Sharon went to New Orleans. I lost my interest completely when I realized that the writers were simply recycling stories are trying to create drama by having someone commit adultery. Jumping into bed with someone after only flirting with them one day is not drama. The Victor and Nicky story is old and tired. Last month I took the show off of my DVR after not watching it for three months.

Modern Family still makes me laugh here and there but it has grown stale. Cameron and Mitchell come across as the stupidest parents I have ever seen. I know people will get mad for me saying that but episode after episode of them making the same mistakes like saying the wrong things in wrong public situations etc, has become eye-rolling. Gloria and her crew are not anyone I can relate to. I can't stand the way Gloria and Jay manipulate each other. I lost interest when Gloria faked a sprained ankle to go to the spa. It is difficult for me to care about the character now. I only watch the show because of Phil Dunphy.

I love the show Grimm, but I notice I watch it for the supporting cast. Munroe and Rosalee are the characters that keep me watching. Nick and Juliette are GRATING. I think the show would have been more dramatic if Juliette were his actual wife and they had children that Nick and Juliette had to protect. Juliette losing her memory as his wife and mother of his children would have been more dramatic and heart breaking. Right now, I just wish Juliette would leave Portland. Her character really serves no purpose.

I was happy they ended 30 Rock. The Jack's mom is a lesbian story really ended it for me.

Now to the ones I love.

Vikings! I love that show so dad gum much. At first it was boring and I didn't think I would stick it out but then they raided England and captured Athelstan who becomes the fish out of water character I needed. The show came together after that. Ragnar is the hero but I could neither sympathize or relate to him. I am not sure I could even cheer for him.  The season finale was weak but I look forward to the growing next generation of vikings and the invasion of Paris. Will we see the Carolingian kings? I also want to hear more Anglo-Saxon!

Once Upon a Time is a show I think is going to bore me but it never disappoints. However, having Regina slaughter a village has now made her instantly unsympathetic. My sympathy to her was what kept me interested. Was she really as evil as they said she was? The answer is "yes". Ok, moving on! Luckily I can still love Mr. Gold, even when he plays the bad boy.

The Middle is a show that keeps getting better. I actually laugh out loud at episodes. I love that Frankie doesn't have a high powered career and that her husband isn't an idiot loser. The kids aren't the brightest or the most popular and Harvard or Yale aren't the only universities that exist. Sue's character is a bit over the top but other than that I enjoy a show I can watch with my children without worry.

Doctor Who is another show I enjoy watching with my kids. I am still warming up to Clara but enjoying the sci-fi elements of the episodes. I just wish the episodes were longing. I feel like they are cramming too much in each episode. The last episode would be better in book form in my opinion. Maybe putting the brothers in was too much for a TV episode. Instead they should have just focused on the center of the TARDIS. I have to admit that I do not like episodes like that. I like the Doctor and his companion to explore new worlds or different times. I loved the episode before with the ghost hunter. I maybe strange but I cannot stand Madame Vastra and Jenny. It is like Moffat is trying too hard to be cool. It has nothing to do with homophobia. I LOVED Captain Jack in Doctor Who and Torchwood. I cringe whenever Madame Vastra makes a return. (she is COOL! You MUST like her!! A reptile woman who is married to ANOTHER female, in VICTORIAN TIMES!! Me: Zzzzzz I saw Tipping the Velvet!)

Defiance is an interesting show. Underneath all of that terraforming and 8 alien races is the show Eureka! Now I am hooked!

Arrow is for the Smallville/Doctor Who fans in my house. Jack Harkness and River Song is in it! Sorry but I do not buy that John Barrowman is the father of Colin Donnell. John Barrowman has this gift of looking like he is going to seduce whoever is playing opposite him, male or female. So it is squicky to me to see him act opposite a MAN who is supposed to be his son.

Supernatural is my show!  I love Sam and Dean and when they actually deal with the demon tablet I am all interested. I hope they do more with the Men of Letters. Please do not bring back the red headed geek girl. She was cute but now she is just annoying. I miss Bobby! I also wish they would bring back the archangels. Metatron is giving me hope!

Being Human is another show that keeps my attention. Yes, I mean the US version of Being Human. I love that they added evil witches and got rid of the vampire politics. Vampire politics are getting old and tired from too much use by other shows. The writers were smart to move on to witches and zombies and weird vampire hybrids. Did Aiden turn his wife?

Man, I need to read more books!

Thursday, April 11, 2013

Heavy Changes

After having Eli. I have had a difficult time with weight. I could not lose it easily like I could in the past. I wasn't gaining either so I didn't worry too much. About three weeks ago I finally weaned Mr. Eli and it has been a nightmare. Eli sleeping patterns are crazy and so is my weight gain.

I started being more active. I even cut down a lot of crappy foods. Instead of losing weight, I was gaining. I am currently the heaviest I have ever been in my life and I am real depressed about that. The problem is for me is that I stress eat so I am eating because I am stressed out that I am gaining weight. Yeah, makes total sense!

Plus there is now a cancer scare. I think it is a 90% chance that it is just a scare. I had an abnormal pap smear but I had one before and it came out all right. I also have to get tested for ovarian cancer. Also, not too worried. Ovarian cancer is not in my family. We have diabetes, heart disease, Alzheimer's , breast cancer and even some crazies but no ovarian cancer. Still to be told you have to be tested for it is frightening.  So, I stress eat.

I am not pigging out or anything, just snacking on foods that aren't exactly healthy. I drink  soda to soothe my nerves and munch on potato chips to crunch away the pain. On heavy period days I eat chocolate. On days that I am driving my kids to their activities for hours a day because my husband is out of town, I end up eating fast food. In the past, those things did not affect my body too much. True, I didn't lose weight, but I didn't gain either. Now my 35 1/2 years have caught up with me.

I believe I take after my dad. He was always so skinny. Then he hit his late 30's and his body changed. He carried his extra weight around his belly. I remember my grandmother (his mother) also complaining about her big stomach. I think I have the same problem. The sad thing is though my grandmother was always very active in sports, etc, she never had a flat tummy. She did look healthy up until her eighties. I admit she drank lots of Coca-Cola and did not eat or drink the healthiest. She enjoyed her life!

My mother's family has problems with sugar and I might have inherited that. My sugar tends to drop and spike quickly. I used to pass out in college because my sugar would drop below 60. My doctor told me that is a bad sign that my body does not process sugar well. I didn't worry too much because I far as I knew no one in my family has diabetes. Well, recently I found out that my uncle and my mother have it. That may also be the reason why I carry so much weight in my belly.

I am no longer 25 and can eat what I want. I feel like I am going through a second adolescence except that this one totally sucks. Instead of growing taller, I am growing wider, my skin is sagging and my hair is turning gray. I guess I should feel blessed that this didn't hit me until 35. Some start younger.

One thing I will say. Because of my constant exercise my body is stronger. My back doesn't hurt as much. I even carried Eli to the bus stop without pain. So though I am getting fatter at least it isn't in pain.

I hope and pray it isn't a tumor causing my belly to grow. (no it is definitely not a baby) In the meantime, I will continue to learn to eat and care for this new ageing body and to accept that I am no longer 20. I will soon be middle aged and though that sucks physically, I am enjoying my wisdom and insight that I didn't have before. I am growing ornery so GET OFF MY LAWN!!!

Wish me luck!