Fifth Generation

One of the advantages to a mixed marriage is that you get to celebrate more holidays. My brother married a Canadian for example, and they celebrate both Canadian and American holidays.

I haven’t been able to enjoy that advantage yet. This is another example of my husband hiding his Uzbekness. Navruz came and went and I heard not one thing about it. I read about it from another’s blog. I know nothing about Navruz.  So we will have a belated Navruz this week. I would love to start this tradition in my family for the future. That could be the time from now on for my mother-in-law to visit. March is the month of  my husband’s and my son’s birthdays so that works out perfect.

Do you have any suggestions for my belated Uzbek celebration? What do Uzbeks do for Navruz?  What are some other Uzbek holidays coming up so that I will be prepared? He forgot International Women’s Day too by the way!

I hope to post about my belated Navruz soon. I will let you know how it goes. Next year I hope to celebrate it on time!! I am excited about this new family tradition! Starting family traditions are so healthy for any family, even the unmixed ones! So, everyone, Happy Belated Navruz!!

• Leave a comment... (7)

My husband calls Uzbekistan and Russia frequently so we are always on the lookout for a great deal on international phone call rates. We have found that phone cards give us the best rates. We spend a lot of time looking for phone cards that not only offer low rates but also do not charge all of those hidden charges. I also need a phone card so that when I am overseas I can call the USA at a low rate.

A phone card company that makes finding cheap international rates easy is Pingo.com. They offer wonderful international phone calling cards that are virtual VOIP. Right now they will give you up to 4 hours of free International calls just for simply signing up for Pingo.com. I was impressed by their international rates. Right now I can call Uzbekistan for 9 cents a minute. The rates for Kazakhstan and Kygyzstan are 10 cents a minute. I can call my brother in St. Petersburg, Russia for only 2 cents a minute!! Pingo also allows you to sign up for the “rate watcher”. Through “rate watcher” they will email you the lowest rates available. Here are the calling card rates for Uzbekistan from the USA. I can get these low rates for only 98 cents a month. There are no other hidden charges unless I call from a pay phone.

• Leave a comment... (2)

I whined about my mother in law in a previous post. I think the problem between my mother in law and I is deeper. Even if I were a stranger in her life we would still never be friends and would feel disconnected.

One of the ways we are different is that I am an individualist from a very individualistic background. My culture is simple and believes in Protestant ethic. We have no show, no superstition, and a lack of ceremony. I decide my career and who I marry. My culture is only 500 years old. My ancestors broke from the complex feudal and centrist Roman Catholic tradition and embraced the new Protestant and Humanist revolutions. There are those who say my culture maybe dying and going back to a more centrist collectivist society. The days of our golden age are numbered.

My mother in law came from a collectivist society where concepts like mahalla are important. The individual is the enemy to the collective whole. Most Asian societies are collectivist and centrist. Uzbek society is an older society than my own and its golden age has already come and gone. Parents still make decisions for their children even as adults. My mother-in-law found a bride for my husband’s brother and a groom for my husband’s sister. She is currently wanting to find a bride for my husband’s youngest brother even though he is still in school and has no money. Show and ceremony are very important. People will not spend money on new clothes or a microwave but spend thousands on a party because that is very important to their society. Only one person can enjoy new clothes or a microwave, but a party to celebrate a circumcision is for the community. A son who picks his own bride might pick one who will only make himself happy but cause division in the family. Parents know what bride will be best for the collective whole. This is not always true. I know of someone who regretted the choice of bride for their son. She ended up being selfish and disrespectful. Being an American, they automatically put me in that category.

My husband is caught in between the two worlds. He is the most individualistic hard working man I know. Perhaps he represents to future of his people. As my culture comes to an end, he represents the beginning of his people’s future. Maybe the people of Uzbekistan will one day be able to overthrow their Centrist government, decide to save money for their own profit rather than throwing money on party, ceremony, and show. When they come to the USA, they will save and invest in their own future rather than sending all the money back to the old country to buy huge mansions in Tashkent so their families can show off. I see that as a problem. My husband’s family see that as the right way to be.

• Leave a comment... (0)

Eurasia.net has a post about the Uzbek concept of “mahalla” by a writer I love very much. This blogger teaches me the most about Uzbek culture. It is difficult to find information on the details of Uzbek home life.

The post I linked to is one about mahalla which means community. In Uzbek, that usually means family as family lives close together. It also can me the community of the people. What if you are outside of the mahalla and married in? Will you ever be a part of the community?

Unfortunately, you will always be an outsider and so will your children. The Kelin or daughter-in-law is an outsider anyways. If you are from another country then you are even more an outsider.

This past week when my mother-in-law visited made me feel even more like an outsider. She preferred to cook me food rather than teach me. It was difficult to get her to teach me how to cook Uzbek food. If she taught me, it was because my husband made her. She refuses to teach me anything about Uzbekistan, only speaking Russian to me. My children also only have Russian spoken to them. She made a lot of comments about how I was lazy and sloppy and took over my home. I heard that is an Uzbek thing to do however. At the same time she never taught me her ways. She just acted as if I was her child.

At the same time, my husband keeps on the outside. He keeps his Uzbekness inside and never shares that side of himself. My children speak not one word of Uzbek, and know nothing of the culture. My daughter said she hated Uzbek culture. At the age of 5 she already feels like an outsider.

I have heard so much about the hospitality of Uzbekistan. Yet I have never felt this hospitality. I always feel like I am being pushed to the outside. My husband knows this is one of the reasons I have not yet visited the country. If in my own nation I am being treated like an outsider, how much more badly would I be treated in the country?

I thought Koreans were the most closed society. I have found one that is more closed and protective. Perhaps it is because of their newly found independence??? The only connection I have to Uzbek culture is through the music which I love. Perhaps one day this love will connect me in some way to the modern hermit society of Uzbekistan.

• Leave a comment... (5)

I am honestly a nervous wreck because my Uzbek mother-in-law is coming to visit tomorrow.  I have learned that trying to please her is a waste of time. I will never meet her standards.

I will just try to make the best of it. She will baby my husband and my sons for a week so I guess that is a positive thing. She will also teach me how to make lagman and will help me perfect my non. My non is finally meeting my husband’s standards but I think I need some more tips.  It will be fun to cook together. We enjoyed cooking and shopping together in the past. I just need to focus on postive things. She is not a bad mother-in-law. She just worries about her son. Now that I have my sons, I think I will probably be the same way.

• Leave a comment... (0)