Saturday, May 28, 2011

Confession: I Don't Want My Husband in the Delivery Room!

Since the late 1970's it has been the trend that the father has to be in the delivery room. Having a baby is no longer a  private affair but something to be shared in the public. People even want to video tape the birth is possible or give birth at home for all to see. I think that trend just puts more pressure on everyone and if someone is for "natural" mothering then they should want to give birth the way it was done for thougsands of years. WITHOUT A MAN PRESENT!!!

I gave birth to two children without a man present. Only my mother was there and she is always invited because she actually helps. In fact, she delivered my daughter when the doctor didn't get to the delivery room on time. I gave birth to my son also without a man present because Aziz was in Iraq. I didn't even think twice about him not being there. I believe that I was instead focused on giving birth to a baby and not worried about who was sharing the experience with me. Aziz was there with Aron, but was more trouble than he was worth. It was like it was all for him. He was tired, he was nervous, he was hungry and ate in front of me!! I think it would have been the same if he just didn't show up.

This pregnancy has in particular been rough. My husband hasn't bonded with this baby like he did with Aron. He even refuses to buy anything for this baby even though he bought everything for Aron before he was born. Part of the problem is that are marriage is struggling and a lot of that has to do with his family living in America. Since they came here our previous marital problems have escalated to the point there is a coldness between us. So honestly, a couple of days in the hospital would be a vacation for me.

I read this article explaining why it is always not the best thing to have the father in the room with you.
"Arguments FOR-
1. Provide comfort and support for the mother. This is not my experience. Instead he just demands comfort for himself and makes me more stressed out.Plus our marriage is in trouble. I don't think the person who has caused a lot of hurt should be in the delivery room with me.
2. You were there for the conception; you better be there for the delivery. He wasn't there for Viki and Jon and I didn't care or get hurt.
3. You might regret it later. Aziz doesn't seem to regret missing the birth of Victoria or Jonny. So one more birth won't hurt him either.
4. It is life changing!!! Aziz still is just as selfish as he was before he witnessed the birth of Aron. There was no transformation.
5. It is important for bonding!! Anyone who says this should be ashamed! Parents bond with children they adopt even though they weren't in the delivery room.
6. The husband can ensure the wife's preferences are met. If your husband is selfish and argumentative, he will only cause more stress. I know my needs anyways and survive fine in the delivery room without him.

2 comments:

  1. He ended up in the delivery room and like I predicted he was not much help. Things are much better between us, we worked things out and have a happy family life, despite the fact that my husband was not in the delivery room for two of our children. I still prefer privacy when I am giving birth.

    ReplyDelete