Skip to main content

My Life as an Eighties Montage!

I read a funny article from about 80's montages. The montage was real popular in the eighties, usually with a cheesy soundtrack in the background. I often wondered if my life was a montage. Like if I could just montage my 9 months of pregnancy with "Eye of the Tiger" playing in the background! Did you notice that pizza and Pepsi were  usually consumed in the background?

I would get a positive pregnancy test and then the family and I would start dancing all footloose. Jon would say "Awesome!!"

Skip to the ultrasound! "It's a boy!" Aziz would be sipping his Pepsi and Aron would say "totally wicked!"

We would be shopping for the baby. I would be throwing things in the cart. Aziz would grin in between having bites of his pizza, Pizza sauce would drip on his hot pink muscle shirt. He will try to put his finger up to stop me from buying one item. I would take his pizza slice and dump it on his mullet. He would shrug his shoulders and lick the pizza sauce off of his fingers. Viki would throw in a "totally rad" outfit for the baby into the cart. Jon would be break dancing in the background. Aron would be laughing at his dad!

Scene to me going to the bathroom again and again and again. Aziz rolling his eyes and grinning. The clock with neon green numbers shows the times as 2AM, 2:15 AM, 2:30AM, etc.

My clothes are getting tighter and I sit and cry. Aziz pats my shoulder and brings me pizza and ice cream. The kids come in and break into a dance. Jon does a back flip in the background.

I have a totally radical baby shower. All of us women have our hair in perms and we go goo goo all over the new presents I got. Then we eat pizza! One woman walks in with a saxophone to perform the saxophone solo. We all cheer!

Scenes of me waddling around while the kids and Aziz jump around doing awesome moves around me.

Suddenly I stop-- "My water broke!!" The music stops with an echo effect. Everyone runs back to the car Aziz yelling the most "the time is here, I've got to get to the hospital!!" They get into the car and drive off without me. I roll my eyes, fold my arms, and tap my foot. Five seconds later they drive back and yell "sorry!'



Popular posts from this blog

Overprotective Mom's Guide to Pop Music this Week

I have 2 teens and so I try to keep up with what is going on in music. I want to know what my kids are listening to. I also need to be aware of what songs are playing on the radio while my kids are in the van. I listened to the Top Ten pop songs on the Billboard chart and wrote down my impressions of the songs.

My son asked me one afternoon, "Mom, why is Ariana Grande walking side to side?' I usually don't listen to the words and focus on the beat and melody so I was surprised that he caught what the lyrics were. The song he is referring to is "Side to Side" by Ariana Grande featuring Nicki Minaj. I've heard that song around 200 times over the last couple of months. I just figured she was dancing with some guy and they were swaying side to side like you do at church dances. Well, I found out what it really means, prompted by my son's question. She's had sex with a guy all day and all night so she's so sore she walks side to side. (Vomit) Now I ch…

I Am a Yield Sign

Yeah, girls, it is my honesty time. I am now like one of those people in a reality show in those confession rooms ready to tell all!

I am embarrassed about this usually but I think I should share. I am a size 12 but my chest is about a size 16. Yeah, honey, I do not have a problem in the chest area! However, what most people don't think about is that a big chest does look fat, otherwise they are more than likely fake. I have big arms and shoulders to hold up my 36D's. Another problem with these things is that my back aches and cleavage shows in almost every shirt. I would have been a goddess in the 1950's but now I look like a cow!

I have an inverted triangle body type. I am wide on the top but have small hips and no butt. My legs and arms are skinny and bony. It is not the most attractive body type and most clothes were not made for me. When I lose weight I lose it in my butt first. I have a great body for swimming. As I have gained weight I look more like an apple or a …

STUFF Clogging My Mind

I haven't blogged in a while. I never made it big in blogging and I never found an audience. I gave up and instead used Twitter as a way to express myself. I primarily used Twitter for about four years and even had my own little community. I had a few major retweets but was never famous or anything. I kept myself anonymous because I didn't want attention. I just wanted to express my feelings. A month ago I quit and it was one of the best decisions I've made.

It was popular last year to say that 2016 was the worst year ever! It was a very strange year for me! I went through many challenges, new baby, c section, deployment, teenagers, a move, and ended the year losing my grandfather, I went into a deep depression and realized that I was spending sometimes 6-8 hours arguing with people on Twitter. I knew that couldn't help my depressed mood so I decided one day to quit. By day three I felt like a new person. I had more energy and I no longer felt hopeless. Instead of wast…