Thursday, March 1, 2012

Focus One - America Has the Best Toilets

Every Korean at some point makes a trip to Sorak mountain in Northeastern South Korea not far from the border of North Korea. I went with my husband, brother-in-law, and a friend who my now ex-husband was trying to set his brother up with because his brother's current girlfriend had unlucky eyes. The girl my ex was setting up his brother with was a spoiled girl studying fashion design in Seoul. I didn't like her much because she would trick us into paying for her meals. She was also fake. Well, we drove in the fake girl's Hyundai car the three hour drive to Sorak mountain. At some point we stopped at a restaurant so that I could use the bathroom. I hung my purse on the hook but was disappointed by the whole in floor that awaited me in the stall. I struggled to get the right position and even got a little wet on my leg. I also forgot that there was no toilet paper so I tried to air myself dry. In the midst of all of that awkwardness I forgot my purse and didn't remember it until an hour later. The purse had my passport in it.  I was in so much trouble.
I walked up Sorak mountain and was the only woman not in high heels and make up. I also refused to eat the fried grasshoppers the vendors sold and to bow to Buddha. Walking down Sorak mountain I slipped and twisted my ankle. I was in tears and the Koreans laughed at me as they walked by. Only my brother-in-law tried to help me. I had to walk down the rest of the mountain with a sprained ankle. By the time we reached the bottom my ankle was swollen to an enormous size. My ex yelled at me and wanted nothing to do with me. I ruined his trip first by losing my passport then by spraining my ankle. The fake girl was mad because my brother-in-law was too busy taking care of me to give her any attention. He fought with his brother over being a jerk to me and that night even served me a drink while I elevated my foot. My ex sulked in the other room because I did not serve him tea because I couldn't walk. When I went to talk to him he shoved me away until I cried. His elder brother forced him to be nice to me. The fake girl gave up on stealing my ex's brother from his real girlfriend.
The three hour drive took ten going back to Seoul. I really needed to use the bathroom but we were stuck in a traffic jam and the Korean highways aren't as developed as American ones so there was no place to stop. I had to go on the side of the road in the grass. I thought I was in a secret place but when I looked up I noticed the road curved and so an entire row of cars got to see the white girl with her pants down. I got embarrassed and when I tried to hide I peed on my pants by accident. I had to limp back in my sore foot and wet pants back to the car. I changed in the backseat.
Later after arriving in Seoul I had to go again. I walked to public toilet and again was disgusted that it was a hole in the concrete floor. I cried like a baby.
I just had the worst trip ever and realized I was married to a horrible man in a foreign country with no passport, walking on a sprained ankle and I couldn't even  sit on a clean toilet. That was when I realized how homesick I was. I never thought that I would ever miss Tennessee but at least I knew they had clean toilets with toilet paper and soap so I could wash my hands!

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