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STUFF Clogging My Mind

I haven't blogged in a while. I never made it big in blogging and I never found an audience. I gave up and instead used Twitter as a way to express myself. I primarily used Twitter for about four years and even had my own little community. I had a few major retweets but was never famous or anything. I kept myself anonymous because I didn't want attention. I just wanted to express my feelings. A month ago I quit and it was one of the best decisions I've made.

It was popular last year to say that 2016 was the worst year ever! It was a very strange year for me! I went through many challenges, new baby, c section, deployment, teenagers, a move, and ended the year losing my grandfather, I went into a deep depression and realized that I was spending sometimes 6-8 hours arguing with people on Twitter. I knew that couldn't help my depressed mood so I decided one day to quit. By day three I felt like a new person. I had more energy and I no longer felt hopeless. Instead of wasting my time typing out my thoughts in less than 140 characters, I was writing stories again, keeping notes from books I read, and organizing my family history. 

Since I was a small child I've always felt this need to write or type my thoughts. It isn't exactly hypergraphia, which is caused by temporal lobe dysfunction. I do find it therapeutic (so maybe it does have something to do with the temporal lobe?). As a child, I loved to write little stories, but I would also draw maps and write pages of fantasy pedigree charts. I would write and write and then throw the papers away. I never published anything. I think I have only kept one binder full of my writings that I did in 12th grade. It's a collection of short stories, pages and pages of words in different languages and alphabets, and notes and quotes from books. I spent hours writing Japanese Kanji, over and over in notebooks. I copied drawings from medieval manuscripts and art,. My favorite was my drawing of Henry V of England as I loved the Shakespearean play. All of this I did in secret, after filling a notebook, I would rip it in pieces and throw it away. Maybe I do have a problem?

I discovered blogging in 2006 and greatly enjoyed it. Unfortunately, I wrote about politics which did not endear me to many people. My politics aren't "cool" and my experiences with other cultures has made me very cynical. My blogging never went anywhere because I offended half of my audience, including family members. I tried Mommy blogging but it is difficult to write about my life. I have no problem writing about it in a journal, but to expose my life for all to see makes me uncomfortable. It also doesn't relieve my mind. I can write about my six children, they easily fill a blog with all of their challenges and triumphs, but the "stuff" is still in my head needing to get out. I could talk your ear off and my children enjoy hearing the ideas in my head, but sometimes it isn't enough.

This is the stuff clogging up my brain that I have to get out. I hope you will enjoy this glimpse of my weird mind.

Comments

  1. Keep writing! I enjoy reading your posts. I really think it will be therapeutic for you.

    ReplyDelete

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