The Happy Homemaker

I was reading recently about the trend going on for the past twenty or so years of women choosing to have small families as opposed to former generations when women had as many children as possible. It got me to thinking about how many children I wanted when I was young, and how many children I want now.

Now I believe that you should never plan for a strict number of children. The unplanned children are just as much of a blessing as the planned ones. I never planned for any of my children for example. Instead, the children came and I changed my life to fit theirs. The first daughter came and I had to postpone plans to go to graduate school. The son came and then I had to change my plans to go on exotic vacations. The third son came and I had to leave New York and my dreams of being an urban mother. Do I have any regrets? Absolutely not! Actually when one door closed, many others opened and I love the way my life turned out, even though I didn’t plan it this way. Sometimes, we really don’t know what is best for ourselves.

Children are a great blessing, but child bearing on the other hand is a woman’s curse. The only way we are able to survive all of that pain is the love we have for the child. I believe that God made child bearing difficult or easy to help us make decisions on how many children we should have. I don’t believe that every woman should have ten children and some are even lucky to have one! Look at the prophets’ wives and you won’t see many that had 9 children. If you can have 17 children, good for you that you have the physical gift of bearing children easily. Not all of us are built that way. A quick look at my family history and I see several women who died giving birth or died after complications from giving birth. They were lucky to have three or four surviving children.

I believe that children are never a curse, but always a blessing even though we may not always see it that way in the beginning. However, I don’t think we should have ten kids if it means that we will be so physically damaged that we are unable to take care of the children that we do have, so some planning is necessary. I think that at least a simple guideline is good enough.

I have three children, but I bore them with a lot of pain. My situation could have been worse however. My heart was always fine and my sugar levels were always healthy. My problem was pain. My pelvic bones just don’t hold up children very well. They split too much to the point that they almost split completely. I have trouble walking and sleeping. Other than the pain and lack of sleep, my pregnancies are pretty easy. I never throw up. (The times I did I was actually sick with a virus!) I never faint and in fact have more energy. I am always on the go so the pain I am in makes it difficult for me. After giving birth, the pain stays for another year along with the weight. I am sorry, but I do not believe that breast feeding makes you lose weight. Breast feeding has always made me GAIN weight. Maybe it is because my weight is not so much in my hips but in my chest. Sure my hips are small, but my chest is HUGE! So I generally do not lose weight until I stop breastfeeding.

Though I love newborns, I hate the first month after they are born. The bleeding, the tiredness, the soreness, the milk leaking everywhere the nervousness over every noise your newborn makes, the everything! Dealing with the umbilical cords, the weird variations of poop, the spit up, the constant laundry, the colic all make the first month a nightmare. I don’t get settled until my baby is three months old. The breast milk is more regulated, you aren’t bleeding, and your baby isn’t as fragile.

I wish they taught these details of having a baby when I was a teenager. They teach a lot about STDs, but seem to skip the details of childbearing. Having a baby isn’t having a toy doll. It is very difficult.

I think that is why when I was younger, I wanted 8 or 9 children. I grew up around several Mormon women who did this so that 6 or more children never seemed strange to me. (17 however, is!) Then when I turned about 18, I didn’t want children at all. I long held that attitude even after the birth of my daughter. When I was pregnant with my son my attitude changed a bit and I had dreams of having four or five in a row. That changed after having that son who had colic and cried for three months straight. I then planned to not have another until my son was 5. Well, when he was barely one, I had a gap between birth control methods, and then came number three. As soon as I found out I was pregnant with him, I became excited! Mainly because for the first time my former military husband would be able to share this pregnancy with me. Oh, yeah right, he sure shared the pregnancy!

While pregnant with this son, the pain got so bad I had to go to physical therapy. I was in so much agony I sincerely thought about getting my tubes tied. Every time I would mention this to the doctor, I always felt a little hesitant. the doctor sensed this too and suggested that I not get my tubes tied if she thinks that I will regret it. I am now glad that I didn’t because I would really like to have one more. I feel very strongly about having one more but I know that this is not the right time. My body still needs to recover from having the last baby. My health still isn’t back too where it was and chasing three children around is exhausting. I would also like to wait until my husband is more settled. The moving around is difficult on my family.

So, for right now, four seems like a good number, but who knows? I might just change my mind again, or God will give me twins next time!

How many children did you want and now want to have?