The Happy Homemaker

Well, I am in lots of pain again. This is the worst pain I have had in a while. I slept being covered in icy hot patches and ice packs. I even took a flexeril which did help me sleep and I woke up not being too sore. Then I got up and walked and the pain returned.

I went to physical therapy and usually I feel better after physical therapy. Yesterday, as I was getting off of the table, I somehow hurt my hip. They tried a new procedure on me that was kind of like being put to the rack! They stretched my upper body one way, and pulled my lower body the other way. I thought it would really help because I have so much tightness in my back. It actually felt good while I was there enough to make me sleep. When I got up, I still felt great. My back never felt better. Then I stood up and my left hip went completely out. It was so painful that I was crying. The therapist massaged my hip enough so that could function at least but by the time I got to my car my back was in tremendous pain. When I got home all I wanted to do was rest but my children kept crowding around me demanding to go outside. A similar thing happened on Sunday when I was sick to my stomach and Victoria screamed and cried for an hour to go outside. I finally sat outside with them until Aziz came home. Aziz came home fussing about the fact that I did not cook dinner. He even threw in that I was lazy and was coming up with excuses. He refused to cook dinner and even invited a lady to come over so he could fix her computer. I just wanted to rest so I stayed upstairs. Then Aziz had Aron come to me and so of course Aron would not let me rest. Then Aziz fussed because I was not being social. Finally she left and then Aziz told me to cook something for the children while he stuffed he face with leftovers. It was 8PM. That was it. I put the children in the car and went through a drive through to get them dinner. I needed to go to the pharmacy anyway to get some icy hot patches. So, there, I fed them!

Aziz has this thing that he will not ever help me in the kitchen. He will give the kids their baths and put them to bed for me and he will even vacuum once a month and mow the grass, but he will NEVER touch the kitchen even though that is where I need the most help. He could have cooked hamburgers or cooked some noodles and pour ragu sauce over it. I had rice ready so he could have cooked some eggs and ham and put it over the rice. What is so hard about cooking a meal for the children? His mother has the same attitude. Even if I am throwing up blood it is MY duty to feed the kids and Aziz should just sit around like a ceramic prince poodle to be babied and stared at. I understand he works all day, but the fact that I never get help overwhelms me. I hate that I am sick all of the time and in pain. That is so frustrating for me. I want a neat house and I love to cook, so I already feel down when I am sick or in pain and lately that has been a lot. So I feel even worse when my own husband, the only family I have here, comes home to fuss and tell me I am lazy and gets MAD at me for daring to get sick! I am ready for a vacation. Sometimes the pressure is way too much. Plus the fact I am alone with the kids most of the time.

He wants me to seek emotional support outside the marriage and that is stupid. What is he then? Just some animal like a bull that struts around the farm only to show off his horns? If his only use is to work and pay bills, then I can live elsewhere, closer to family. It is dangerous to expect your wife to seek emotional support outside the marriage. Emotional support is VITAL in a marriage. I feel sometimes like I am literally being tortured.